How to accessorize

To accessorise is a primordial human need. Accessories are in the top of the list with objects discovered by archaeologists, who also find all sorts of old pottery items, although the world is not too interested in these. It is interesting to see that, if we would have to bury our dead like in the ancient times, probably earrings and iPods would be the items that are discovered most often, followed by cereal bowls and remote controls.

Women have a true culture when it comes to accessorising. In fact, we are the ones that started a full-scale system in which shoes are an accessory for a dress, the earrings for the shoes, the necklaces for the earrings, the hats for the necklaces, and in the end, the hat being an accessory for the dress. It’s complicated, but it works.

In acupuncture, it is said that the shape of the ear must be similar to the one of a fetus. Similarly, it is said that whatever people hand on their ear’s lobe is a clue concerning their personality. Any earring that is longer than the ear indicates a lack of parental attention during childhood. Any earring made out of papier-mâché, coming from French and meaning “chewed-paper”, indicates too much attention coming from the parents. Earrings that are very small, screwed in the ear’s lobe, show the incapacity of expression from a sexual point of view (an exception to this are the men that wear such earrings).

In case of men, the bigger the watch on their wrist is, the better. Also, it should resists to a depth of 500 meters, just in case that man will end up diving with a submarine. A thin leather belt and a dial with Roman numerals indicate a man with a classic education and a hidden attraction towards a slightly pervert sex. Digital watches are usually worn by men that feel more comfortable near a computer than a woman.

For women, wrist watches were once considered to be jewelry, but today, they are seen more as fashion accessories. There are women who own several watches, which they match with their attire. Generally, women watches don’t just show the time, but also show that it is time for a new outfit.

The handbags are a completely different story. Handbags are an externalisation of the feminine DNA. The bag of a woman can tell you everything you want to know about her, this is why men are educated not to open them without their permission.

Men wallets are less interesting, but it is highly preferred for them to be internally accessorised with a wide variety of golden, silver, or multi-colored cards with a large credit limit.

Mobile phones represent the newest accessories. They have the advantage to be worn near the ear and hand as well. Also, there is the possibility of personalising your ringtone – which is itself an accessory. In this case, you will notice that people with the most expensive and intricate mobile phones have the most annoying ringtones.

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